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And again when your head goes thru the windshield
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2006|09:44 am] |
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How can I possibly have a good day knowing I hurt you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|08:10 pm] |
Friends Only---Comment to be Added
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| Homework sucks.... |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|02:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Im just going to come out with it. For those who dont know, or know very little and dont quite understand...
There is a new guy in my life: Chris Sills. I like him. We are only friends. He likes me too, but we agreed to take things REALLY-SUPER-SERIOUSLY slow. And I wouldnt have it any other way. Some of you may remember him from last year, Topher? anyhow, he is actually really sweet and very funny. I am happy. Plain and simple. Happiness. I was happy before, and i got things worked out in my life. I feel like Im really over Doug. I mean, that is weird to say but i think its true. I think I was for a long time, I just held on bc Im an idiot and I didnt want to be alone.
Anyway, church tonight! should be fun. I have a lot of homework. I am so behind in math and i just found out there is book work for every section also. so that means an online program thinger and like 2 pages of bookwork per section. and i havent done any book work and ive only done abot 1/2 the certificates that i am supposed to have done by now. other than that. i think i failed my test in science today. its like, the stuff we were gonig over just wouldnt sink in...and on the test i blanked. so like 1/5 of the test was blank :'(
that makes me feel kinda crappy. but oh well. ill have plenty of tiem to recover. |
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| Sic Transit Gloria |
[Sep. 3rd, 2005|07:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like. |
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| I wish I could put a picture of my face as my subject, but youll all just have to settle for: happy! |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|12:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribably amazing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | UNDEROATH | ] |
Always posing for your pretty pictures
Wishing your camera was around to watch you cry.
I have written this a few times. all i really want to say is that i know a lot of people wont be happy about it, but Doug and I worked things out. at least we talked and now we are on a level field so to speak. as in there are no hard feelings. as in should we never talk again, i can die knowing thats one relationship that i was able to put a bandage over and say we are alright.
I can not wait to go to college. :-D I want this year over and i wanna leave. You all will probably hear me say this another 365 times in another 485 entries on here but get used to it bc i am just so excited to be a senior and be starting my life, i doubt those college jitters will even be able to affect me. haha.
Its odd for me to say but i have joy. right now. that is the best way to describe how im feeling. joyful for everything. the positive changes in my life recently and everything in general. i can drive in 2 months and 23 days. counting down. lol. i feel like i just took 4 happy pills, except this is totally natural. a natural high if you will, its the most amazing thing a person can feel if you ask me. over and out!! |
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| A friend to all is a friend to none...keep that in mind. |
[Aug. 24th, 2005|08:00 am] |
So Im sitting in my room last night when i realize i gotta get some stuff together. like my volunteer house, my gpa, decide on a college (which requires finding one that offers a amarine bio major, FSU?), SATs, realized that a few classes im taking are not even going to help me with my major. i also have to find out if my credits are transferable to FSU. oh and in case youre all wondering why i am even considering that God-forsaken school...well, they offer marine bio. PBA doesnt. that is probbly the worst thing that happened last night.
plus ive realized that immaturity flows free in high school. when someone pisses me off, what do i do? i decide whether or not i need them in my life and upon making that decision i move on. i do not dwell over it. and i do not threaten the person unless i am threatened, then its fair game. i just choose to move on with my life. so why cant others? oh well, quoted "theres always college" and college will rock.
if bitches get what they deserve then ill get whats coming. so will everyone else. bc guess what, everyone is a bitch. people claim that theyve always been there. well then how come everytime i try to talk i get trampled on. at least with one relationship. and besides you obviously have plenty of people other than me to rely on.
sorry if i was selfish, but i guess its just that doug and i had memories. beautiful ones, i have some of my most beautiful, cherished memories with him, and i didnt want to share them with you. that decision however is out of my hands. and if you really think no one will be there for me, then youre so wrong. Alyse has never ever abandoned me, there have been times when we havent been the best of friends, but when i need her shes there and same for me. and you know what, God is my constant. I dont care what you believe, i know God's there and i can count on him. the bible says that God can meet any need and handle any problem we encounter. It also says, "Though the LORD is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud." (Psalm 138:6) He’ll wait for you to come to him. No matter how long it takes, he will always be there.
He will always be there. worldly things fade, God is forever. thats what i stand on and thats what holds me up. Maybe you just need some sort of constant and misery seems to be it. oh well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|08:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall of Trpy- FCPREMIX (doppleganger) | ] |
i am bored. a lot. this class is retarded. i want to drop it but then
ill only have 4 classes, and nooooo we cant have that. must have at
least 5 classes. gay. why should i take classes that just waste my time
and take time and energy away from the classes that matter right now??
like maybe, my college lever american lit class that i read almost 20
pages for last night. or maybe the college level math class that is
totally throwing me for a loop?
nope, i get to spend my time worried about this stupid class that has
retarded assignments abot absolutely nothing. are they supposed to
teach us something...i have learned nothing since this class started.
how lame. busy work busy work busy work. a class to keep me in the
building. a class that i serously doubt ill take anything away from. a
college level inquiry skills (a 9th grade required class for IB) only
its barely a college level class. it is a stupid class that shouldnt
even be able to be called a college level one. oh wait, except for the
crappy work load.
sorry for venting. ive just gotten to a point where i am so ticked off
about school...i am done with high shool...and i dont mean that in the
im "over it" type way (although i am) i mean it in the academic sense.
And i wouldnt take a class that wastes my time otherwise so why should
i now. oh well...its 3 college credits.i just hope it doesnt mess up my
time with the other classes. :-\
( Now for the serious part... ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|04:37 pm] |
I have a hard time remembering all the things that I should remember, and a hard time forgetting the all things that I am supposed to forget.
yet i can do simple things like take out the trash, or change the tire on a car, i can jump start a car, and i can sing a baby to sleep. i can cook and clean like no body's business. i can sing my heart out and not care who hears or what they think. i can write a 2000 word essay in less than 6 hours. but i cant drive. bet you didnt know that. and its not bc i cant get my licence yet, it is bc i litterally can not drive. i just suck. i can play the flute. i bet you didnt know that either. i can run quite a way, which i am sure none of you knew bc of my body structure, but yes...fat girl can run. i can not be happy with my body. it is too flawed. i can show emotion without reserve. as in if i am sad, i will cry and i honestly dont give a flying flip if someone sees. i heard from a very nice girl that a friend to all is a friend to none. how true. i wont say more. i can beat up my brother who is 6'2" and 180lbs. i can not beat up my dad bc he is my dad. i have many moods. i am a ball of fire, sunshine, and fairy dust. but youll never catch me bc im too busy chasing someone else. i spend too much time thinking about what i want. all i truely want is to be happy. i think aaron weiss is a wonderful writer. hes the lead singer of mewithoutYou if you've heard. i am easily excitable and easily depressed. i think i am manic-depressive and overly anxious. but i am not one to diagnose myself. i lied my butt of in therapy bc i hated the man. he was in his 40's and looked more like a biker then a psychologist. so i lied. i have loved and been loved. i have hurt and been hurt. i will hurt again, it is inevitable. c'est la vie has become my new catch phrase. it means thats life if you didnt know. and its true. life is life and sometimes it is unhappy and not fun but..well...thats life. get over it. if being honest is a crime then lock me up and throw away the key bc i dont plan on lieing to impress someone. although i will lie if it is a matter of someone elses self image bc it isnt nice to point out other's flaws. only your own. i consider myself an extremely lucky person bc God has blessed me with much. i do not believe i am "God's gift" to anyone, if you know what i mean. im done bothering all your friends pages with my nonsense. end. |
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